Dear Dawson,
Thank you for reaching out to me once again. I know it’s difficult to open up again that you have fallen back into porn use. You must be feeling frustrated battling out your lusts night after night, marking more losses than wins. You must be losing hope that you could ever have victory over your sinful sexual desires. In this season, it is good to look to saints in the past. Are there saints who have struggled as you did? Can you learn from any of them?
There is one, Augustine.
In our cultural zeitgeist that largely believes new, younger sourced ideas are more trustworthy than old, ancient ideas, having Augustine speak on issues of pornography and fornication seems irrelevant. After all, what would Augustine know about scrolling through your google search and seeing ads that invite you to visit porn sites. What would the old theologian know about dealing with sinful sexual desire? What would a guy we barely heard about know about the internal struggles I have in my heart and mind about porn and about the guilt of committing sexual intercourse our of wedlock? How will his advice be relevant to our young adults today who are struggling with pornography and fornication? Three reasons are covered here:
Augustine was a struggler and pilgrim just like you.
Though he may seem like a stranger from a faraway land, Augustine was very much like the young Christian men in his upbringing and journey from being a non-Christian to a Christian. Aurelius Augustine was born in Thagaste to a pagan father and a believing mother. Growing up, it was common for the son to follow in the religious beliefs of his father. However his mother Monica sought to have her son brought up in the Christian faith, instructing him, praying for him, and trying to get him to be baptized. He also, like many young men today, sought acclaim and success through education. He received his education in Carthage, seeking to be a teacher of rethoric. In order to be successful however, he found the need to move to Milan in order to grow his career as an educator. Augustine also was a seeker of truth. He wanted to understand life and his purposes in it. This led him to Manichaneism, where he was convinced had intellectual, rigorous responses to the problem of evil. Augustine also was a seeker of peace. His bouts with lust, discontentment and frustration led him to seek answers for the struggles he had. This brought him to the moment where he was changed by the Word of God.
His journey and story, though different in time and cultural context, would be similar to the journeys and struggles of young adults in our local church like you. Some of the young men we have with us have mothers who are believers and fathers who are not. Some of them are confessionally committed to pursuing success in their own careers through education and the application of it. They are also facing existential questions in life such as the problem of evil, wanting to have answers for such intellectual concerns. Finally, like Augustine, many are seekers of peace, particularly in the humdrum of careers, their intense familial expectations, their rocky relationships, and most especially the emptiness of their sexual sinful struggles. Listening to a man who journeyed through what they did will be beneficial in their own respective, 21st century context spiritual pilgrimage.
Augustine was once a sex-addict.
In his book the Confessions, Augustine was honest about his lurid past. He talks about the fact that he had a relationship with a concubine. He also talks about the reality that at that time, this practice of his didn’t much bothered him as he thought it should. He tells that he didn’t care of his sexual immorality until some time later, when he was convicted.
Yet if only accounts of his sordid past was mentioned, but not his deliverance, his account would not be as beneficial as we hope it can be. His account not only speaks of the struggles he had with sin and lust, but also with how he believed God delivered him from sin and lust. Augustine talks about how stuck he was in sinful lust, how he wanted to be free though he could not. His conversations with Simplianicus, however, brought him to the point of crying out to God for deliverance. Cry did he, pleading that God would deliver him from his sinful sexual desires. It was at that time in the garden where he heard the words uttered by children playing, “tolle lege, tolle lege.” Taking this as a sign from God to pick up and read the Scriptures, he read the words of Paul in Romans….
To you who are admitting to your pastor your struggle with porn and the guilt they you bear, Augustine’s experience as a sex-addict would be instructional for you for two reasons. One, you have here a saint who struggled with what they are struggling with, who understands the temptation and the debilitating guilt that plagues the sinner. Second, you have here an example of one who was once a slave, but who has been set free. You have one who has had no hope of being free from sexual sin, but who now is not only free, but instrumental in helping others deal with what he dealt with through his thoughts and writings.
Augustine was forced to think biblically about these issues
Augustine was intent on thinking biblically about the issue of sexual sins due to his personal struggles as well as the public controversies he encountered during his ministry. Having experienced the power of the Word of God led Augustine to seriously consider how he could put on the Lord Jesus Christ and walk in holiness. In response, he saw the monastic life as a means of experiencing this walk of holiness. By the time he began his ministry, the monastic movement was gaining popularity. He was enamored by it, particularly with its ideals of being out of the world in order to grow in spirituality and faith. He sought the monastic life, thinking that it is the pathway to holiness, including continuous freedom from sexual sin. He also advocated celibacy among the servants of God, believing that celibacy is an effective way to deal with the lust of the flesh.
In Augustine’s lifetime, he also was confronted with various public controversies that would warrant his development of understanding of sin, such as the Donatist controversy and Pelagianism. The Donatists sought to require spiritual purity as a requisite for church leaders in order for their leadership to be true and effective. This means that a baptism conducted by a bishop who gave in to sin (whether compromising on Christ’s Lordship during persecution or moral failure) is not to be recognized. The Pelagians espoused that man is basically good, and that his sin can be overcome with God doing his part to heal him, and man also doing his part to change. However, Augustine’s understanding of sin and purity have been largely fleshed out in his responses to each of the controversies. In the Donatist controversy, he argued that the notion of being pure as a rationale for being the true church is problematic. In his debates with Pelagianism, he argues that the depth of our sin is as such that unless God’s grace abounds in us, we can have no inkling of victory over sin.
How is this relevant to you Dawson? First, no matter how sinful you are – you are accepted by God because of Christ, not because of your perfection or performance. Isn’t this good news for you? Haven’t you been burdened by always falling short every time Sunday comes around and you have fallen into porn use three times before that. Haven’t you felt inadequate in coming before the Lord once again in your sin, thinking that He has given you many chances to change, but change is not yet real in you. Augustine’s debates show us that you are accepted by God and being worked on by God, not dependent on how well you do, but on how well Christ is as a Savior. So if you ask Augustine, he will say – draw near to God even if you have sinned countless of times, for your forgiveness is due to His promises, not your performances.
So, et tu Augustine…
These are just some of the reasons why Augustine can be helpful in your struggle against porn. He was like you. He experienced what you experienced, probably similar, probably worst. Yet, Christ redeemed Him effectively and ecstatically. There are many more reasons why we should ask Augustine, but I’m afraid you may zone out if I keep on piling up your reading list. So for now, consider him, learn from his example and lessons, and see that as God has enabled Him to overcome, He is also able to enable you to overcome.
So don’t lose hope.
Ask Augustine instead, how did God help him overcome his sinful sexual struggles.