Dear Dawson,
Are you struggling with pornography?
Pornography is not a new phenomenon. Countless books and articles have been written in times past to address the issues Christians face in regards to pornography. Websites and blogs have been dedicated to either provide practical steps for those struggling in the quicksand of being tempted to click that search button to view images that will make our male ancestors blush. Organizations and counseling sessions have been started to help followers of Christ who bear the guilt of “returning to their vomit” of porn use to help them to overcome their porn problem. With all these resources and means to help deal with the struggle with porn, why pornography use among Christian young men, even pastors? The answer: we are strongly relying on silver bullet-like antidotes to our porn problem, just as we are strongly believing that voting the right president will solve our country’s numerous problems (spoiler: it won’t).
When we do so, what we think are antidotes to our porn problem will ultimately become placebos: things that look like medicine and promises to heal you like medicine, but are actually powerless to do so, simply because they are not medicines in the first place. Placebos are like the ice-cream you eat in order to cure your colds (it doesn’t work no matter how much you convince your mind that it does).
Here are 3 placebos Christian men seem to rely on in their fight against porn:
Placebo 1: The guilt of escalated pornography
This placebo is when you experience this and think that it will now stop your porn use: the intense guilt that comes when we first escalate our pornographic consumption. What I mean here is that some of us feel that we would no longer consume a particular form of pornography just because we have felt we have crossed the line we shouldn’t have crossed in regards to the kind of pornography we are consuming. For example, maybe we had been comfortable with consuming sexualized pocketbooks and fantasizing scenes using our imagination. Yet one day, you suddenly found yourself reading from a magazine expressing sexual scenes explicitly in each paragraph you are reading. When that happened, you instantly regretted it and vowed not to take a look at pornography again.
I had a similar experience of pornography escalation. I remember when it first happened and I felt that I have crossed a sacred line. Growing up, I felt that my porn use was merely timid (by my own sacrosanct judgment of course). I felt that though I was committing pornography, I had religiously manage to limit it to literature fantasy stories and the imagination of my mind. I had not as far as I knew consumed anything visually. Of course, I did not think myself as a pure white angel, but I also did not think that I am an evil devil either. I was the guy who insists on having low carb intake while drinking sugary soft drinks — well at least I am not eating the cardinal sin or the low carb diet – the rice.
In short, there was a time that I thought I was a-OK because all I was doing was consuming a PG-rated version of sexually-themed literature. Yet, there was one literature I consumed that contained words of a sexual nature that was intense. I was shocked at that time to find myself reading such material. I remember clearly that night. After I had read that, my guilt overwhelmed me to the point that I made a promise, that from now on, I will no longer consume such sexualized stories.
How wrong I was.
I realized quickly that encountering shocking material will not prevent you from doing so again, it actually desensitizes you, just like a joke repeated often makes it less funny over time. This means, the next time you read or see alike visuals, the shock and guilt you originally felt would wane until you feel that the material would no longer give you the pleasure and guilt you once felt. This numbness then gives an urging in our hearts to escalate our consumption of the kind of pornography we watch. This occurs constantly and progressively, to the point that when you look back at how you started in this path, you will wonder how you got so far down the demented path of escalated pornography.
Your antidote: Don’t trust your sin to stop you from sinning. It’s foolishness. Do this by stop watching porn. John Owen famously quipped, “Be killing sin, or sin will be killing you.” He is right. A greater sin cannot stop us from sinning continually. It actually provides the sloping slide for you to experience the slippery slope of falling into a deeper quagmire of darkness in sin. Unless that sin is killed, it will surely kills us, small as it is. Thinking that committing a larger sin can cause us to experience an intense guilt and shame that it will cause us to say never again is like saying that stealing a hundred thousand pesos will cause me to no longer steal in the future.
As we all know, doing something great does not discourage us from doing anything little, it actually emboldens us to do something greater than that which we have done before.
John Owen famously quipped, “Be killing sin, or sin will be killing you.” He is right.
Placebo 2: The euphoric emotional camp bonfire
Another trope often relied on by Christian men, particularly young people struggling with pornography, is found often at the last night of the annual youth camp they are participating in. No, I’m not talking about the late night fellowship with fellow youth (and the exchanging of contact info with girls who have smitten your affections for the past 3 days). I am referring to the gathering around the bonfire right after the end of the final sermon (often delivered by an energized and passionate guest preacher). Around the said bonfire, the porn-struggler, together with other youth beset with various sins, will be instructed to write his besetting sins, sins he is tired of, sins he wants to surrender to the Lord. With tears in his eyes, he then writes his struggle with pornography on a piece of paper and fold it neatly. Upon the playing of a slow, tear-jerking instrumental, he is then instructed to cast that paper in the fire, and to sin no more. As he does so, he breathes a sigh of relief and exasperates a (silent) prayer of gratitude to God, and a commitment that from now on, he will no longer return to the sin he so clearly wrote on a paper he so clearly burnt in the bonfire.
The reliance of the young person on this emotional experience in freeing him from this struggle is evident in the testimony time after the bonfire scene. The youth will stand hesitantly before the mic after the emcee has called three times if anyone would like to volunteer to share their testimony. The youth may then narrate his struggle with porn, and how this camp reminded him of what he can do with Christ. He then claims that by writing the sins and having it burned in the bonfire, he is now a new person, one who will be seriously committed in serving Jesus and in walking free from pornography. This testimony maybe true for some young people, but for many, the faithful period may last until after two weeks, when he faces his smartphone in the lonely night on his bed, with nothing to do but watch reels. As he browses the reels and starts to see visuals of partially-dressed females, the hormonally-charged temptation starts to creep in, until he cannot stands and goes back to the sin he promised to give up.
The problem with perceiving this as an antidote is that the emotional experience you have had at the camp will normalize over time. Just as once you eat spicy Bicol Express the first time will burn your tongue (weakling!), but in succeeding times it will taste less spicy until it becomes bland, so trying to recapture the bonfire tears and motivation to change will result in a lesser emotions and a more apathetic experience. This means that the next time you return to the camp and go through the bonfire, the heightened emotion you experienced will no longer be there. It will be replaced with an apathy for the act of confessing your sins, and a growing doubt as to whether or not you will be ever victorious against the dragon breath of your lustful thoughts.
Your antidote: Instead of putting your cards on one special, super-spiritual event, God actually instructs us in His Word to put off our flesh. The language used here expresses a continuous putting off, not a once put off never coming back on me vibe. Bible scholars (and common folk) describes these putting off as Mortification. Douglas Wilson is helpful in helping us understand what kind of mortification we go through as followers of Christ. He quips that there are 3 kinds of mortification that a Christian goes through. First, the mortification of your sin when you were first converted. Second, the mortification you do when you need to clean house and deal with any backlog of unconfessed sin. Third is the mortification of your daily walk with God.
First, the mortification of your sin when you were first converted. Second, the mortification you do when you need to clean house and deal with any backlog of unconfessed sin. Third is the mortification of your daily walk with God.
Placebo 3: The musically tear-jerking altar call.
A common misconception strugglers have with pornography is that all they need is a supernaturally induced, revival like religious experience. Yes, he is aware that the experience he wants is something more similar to the one Saul experienced while journeying on the fated road of Damascus rather than the shenanigan-filled modern day “Spirit-led manifestations” seen in revival gatherings. Yet, what happens is that each preaching that ends with an altar call becomes the hope that the struggler places on for freedom from his lustful tendencies. He hopes somewhat expectantly that after he has renounced all his lust at the altar call, that he will be a changed man, no longer like a pig who will return to the mud of his sin, but like a caterpillar who is transformed into a butterfly – forever changed – that is, until during the week where he falls again, like clockwork.
Why do we believe and even seek this kind of antidote? For starters, we live in a society that is used to instant results. We think we just need 200 seconds to cook ramen, 30 seconds to get our favorite BFF McDonalds Fries, and 1 second to have the girl we are chatting with to be our girlfriend. In short, we believe that it is so easy to get something instant. What then happens is that we apply the same expectations to our victory over lust. We think that because God’s power is great in our salvation that we are save the instant we receive Christ by faith, our sanctification is also something that can happen instantaneously. The altar call, with the loud proclamations of the Gospel and the promise of sanctification, makes us feel that all we need for victory over sin is that one altar call that will truly affect our heart that we will no longer return to our dog-hounding lusts. Yet Scripture doesn’t paint sanctification that way.
Your antidote: Seek the help and power of the Holy Spirit, always. Sanctification is an ongoing work that the Holy Spirit has begun upon your salvation and will end at your glorification. The results often are different with each believer. Some believers are instantaneously set free from their lustful practices upon conversion. I remember a story of a man who used to smoke cigarettes before being saved. Yet upon his conversion, he suddenly found cigarettes distasteful. No longer has he appetite for cigarettes. The presence of instantaneous sanctification does not necessarily apply across the board. A lot of believers experience freedom from their lust and sin over a long period of time. At times they start to think they have victory, only to return to the vomit of the sin they thought they have left.
Sanctification is an ongoing work that the Holy Spirit has begun upon your salvation and will end at your glorification.
So don’t despair, but also don’t be presumptuous. Depend on the Spirit in times you are weak, but also in times you are strong.
The Ultimate Antidote
I understand why you want to be free from the problem of porn. You have tasted its fleeting pleasures, it’s ferocious fangs, and it’s frustrating burden. You long for victory, and when you think you have it, you fall once again.
Hear me when I say this, porn is really a problem, and it’s right you treat it as a problem. Also, porn is a great problem, you will have victories over it, you will also have failures because of it. However, this you must take to heart and believe: Jesus Christ your Savior and Lord, is greater than your porn problem. Lean on Him. Surrender to Him your burden, and experience how He makes your yoke easy, and your burden light.
Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.
Matthew 11:28-30